xcarcinogenxcrushx

2011-12-29T08:36:00.001-08:00

Time to nut up or shut up

2011-11-02T17:43:00.001-07:00

How many ways can one's day go from beautiful to bad to awful? Let me count the ways...

2011-10-02T09:56:00.001-07:00

I am stronger because I know my weaknesses. I am wise because I know I've been foolish. I laugh because I've known sadness.

2011-09-17T13:27:00.001-07:00

Because maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me, and after all, you're my wonderwall <3

2011-09-08T18:39:00.001-07:00

These eyes, eyes that look into me, eyes that can bare my soul and show me what I am, these eyes are the ones I miss. These eyes are the ones I would always wish upon stars to see. These eyes are the ones you took away from me, eyes that I would have given up anything in this world, just so I would wake up to them every day. These were the eyes I fell in love with... I miss you more than anything in this world, and I still want you, I still need you. I still love you. But until there is a true, sincere forgiveness between us, this love will just stay there, slowly fading away, eating itself out, for you.

2011-09-05T11:48:00.001-07:00

I heard it's cold out, but her popsicle melts, she's in the bathroom, she pleasures herself, says I'm a bad man, she's locking me out, it's cuz of these things.

Kreayshawn - Gucci Gucci

2011-07-29T17:16:00.000-07:00

2011-07-13T13:15:00.001-07:00

Does anyone know where I can go and get a new life? I'd like to exchange the one I have for a new one...

2011-06-07T20:13:00.001-07:00

I didn't let you go. You walked away. I just got tired of chasing you...

2011-05-30T06:48:00.001-07:00

February 18th, 2010 - May 29th, 2011 </3 I loved you will all my heart, and I still do... I'm sorry I disappointed you, and I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy

2011-05-29T09:18:00.001-07:00

Thinking about how things could've been so different between you and me if that one thing had happened...

2011-05-14T08:21:00.001-07:00

I have dreamed a dream, and now that dream is gone from me... </3 my dream has collapsed, and reality tastes sour and putrid... </3

2011-04-16T08:19:00.001-07:00

I wish you'd give me one more chance with you again... I promise you I'll make things right this time, and won't disappoint you or walk away... <3

2011-04-15T09:32:00.001-07:00

If you love me, then prove it. Make me stay, make me trust you again, and more than anything, prove me that my insecurities were wrong...

2011-04-13T20:00:00.001-07:00

Well paint me green and call me gumby

2011-04-11T13:48:00.001-07:00

Holy shit it's hotter than the devil's dick in a pair of heated speedos in here

2011-04-07T12:14:00.001-07:00

Crazy, I'm crazy for feeling so lonely, crazy for feeling so blue. I knew you'd love me as long as you wanted, and someday, you'd leave me for somebody new...

2011-04-06T16:53:00.001-07:00

Am I supposed to be happy, when all I ever wanted it comes with a price?

2011-04-01T18:50:00.001-07:00

Don't ever speak my name again.

2011-04-01T06:10:00.001-07:00

Wake up.

2011-03-30T08:17:00.001-07:00

The fact that I accept my reality doesn't mean that I like it, or that I'll give up, or that don't want to change it. I still love you and want to be with you..

2011-03-24T11:47:00.001-07:00

But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams beneath your feet; tread softly, because you tread on my dreams... <3

2011-03-19T08:19:00.001-07:00

Just another day in paradise...

2011-03-04T08:48:00.001-08:00

Why do girls run from the guys who try to make them happy, and fight for the ones that make them cry?

2011-02-28T15:26:00.001-08:00

I have dreamed a dream, and now that dream is gone from me... </3

2011-02-26T19:24:00.001-08:00

You should be able to love a person no matter how far away they are from you. Distance is in your Head but the Love is in your Heart...

2011-02-21T18:51:00.001-08:00

I don't wanna be lonely no more, I don't wanna have to pay for this, I don't wanna know the lover at my door is another heartache on my list...

2011-02-18T17:18:00.001-08:00

I can be your hero baby, I can kiss away the pain, I will stand by you forever, you can take my breath away... <3

2011-02-14T13:32:00.001-08:00

Love to me is not a game. Love to me is not a thing I can switch on or off. When I tell you I love you, know that you are the only one those words are for...

2011-02-14T08:13:00.001-08:00

And she'll be right here in my arms so in love, she'll be right here in these arms, she can't let go...

2011-02-09T14:23:00.001-08:00

I play dead, to hide my heart until the world gone dark fades away... I stay dead, until you veil my scars and say goodbye to fate, before it's too late...

2011-02-07T17:17:00.001-08:00

FYI, ILY <3 :)

2011-02-04T18:27:00.001-08:00

Build another bridge, break another heart. Try again, it will only fall apart...

2011-02-03T07:09:00.001-08:00

I call your name into the dark void, I scream at the top of my lungs I love you, into the limbo of my thoughts I look for you I will wait for you. Endlessly...

2011-02-01T12:19:00.001-08:00

Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix <3<3 :)

2011-01-29T18:32:00.001-08:00

They don't know how long it takes, waiting for a love like this, everytime we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss, I'll wait for you I promise you I will<3

2011-01-18T19:51:00.001-08:00

Don't make me your last option. Don't make me your backup plan. Don't make me your fallback guy. Because to me, you're my number one priority...

2011-01-14T14:53:00.001-08:00

Never ignore a person who truly loves you. One day you might realize that you lost the moon while counting the stars...

2010-12-31T09:20:00.001-08:00

I don't make resolutions. If it's something I need to do, I do it. I don't wait until the new year. With that said, happy 2011 :)

2010-12-30T09:09:00.001-08:00

Dear flu: you're NO FUN. So why don't you make like a tree and get the fuck out of here?

2010-12-22T14:19:00.001-08:00

I don't have a girlfriend... I just know a girl that would get really mad, if she heard me say that.

YouTube - Dave Chappelle - Samuel L. Jackson Beer skit

2010-12-21T18:37:00.000-08:00

YouTube - Dave Chappelle - Samuel L. Jackson Beer skit

2010-11-04T07:46:00.001-07:00

Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)

2010-10-27T16:10:00.001-07:00

How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?

2010-10-26T08:15:00.001-07:00

Feeling down and depressed... Time to kick the shit out of it with a hardcore kickass workout :)

2010-10-25T13:44:00.001-07:00

You will always have some excuse not to live your life.

2010-10-24T13:02:00.001-07:00

There is no spoon... Only forks.

2010-10-22T10:18:00.001-07:00

Sushi overload :) lol with all the sushi I eat I might as well be japanese :)

2010-10-22T10:06:00.001-07:00

Sushi overload :) lol with all the sushi I eat I might as well be japanese :)

2010-10-21T09:11:00.001-07:00

Yipee-kay-yay, motherfucker

2010-10-19T07:38:00.001-07:00

All in all you're just another brick in the wall...

2010-10-14T05:24:00.001-07:00

This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it :)

2010-10-11T16:37:00.001-07:00

Darling I want to destroy you

2010-10-07T15:40:00.001-07:00

Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws :)

2010-10-07T06:40:00.001-07:00

I am my beloved's, as my beloved is mine <3

2010-10-05T05:29:00.001-07:00

I see it in your eyes. I feel it in your touch. I taste it from you lips. And baby more I love you <3 :)

2010-09-29T04:16:00.001-07:00

Bring me to life

2010-09-28T07:17:00.001-07:00

I'm a BAMF

2010-09-27T07:21:00.001-07:00

Raining like a motherfucker. And I forgot my umbrella.

2010-09-23T07:01:00.001-07:00

If you wake up at a different time in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?

2010-09-22T12:00:00.001-07:00

I want to believe...

2010-09-22T03:44:00.001-07:00

Who wants to go see "Legend of the Guardians" in 3D with me this friday? :)

2010-09-20T15:26:00.001-07:00

I think you were right. Love will tear us apart. But why do I keep insisting in having a chance with you? Why do I keep asking to show you I could be the one?

2010-09-20T07:29:00.001-07:00

She'll be right here in my arms, so in love. She'll be right here in my arms, she can't let go... <3

2010-09-18T19:03:00.001-07:00

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars? I could surely use a wish right now...

2010-09-16T11:17:00.001-07:00

I want you to hit me as hard as you can.

2010-09-14T13:11:00.001-07:00

Maybe tonight we can forget about love? It could be just like heaven... I am a machine, no longer living just a shell of what I've been...

2010-09-11T15:58:00.001-07:00

Sick :/

2010-09-08T07:29:00.001-07:00

You are so beautiful, to me. Can't you see? You're everything I hoped for. You're everything I need. You are so beautiful, to me <3 :)

2010-09-07T14:58:00.001-07:00

I see it in your eyes, I feel it in your touch, I taste it from your lips, and baby more I love you <3

2010-09-05T11:59:00.001-07:00

I'm anything but ordinary.

2010-09-02T04:47:00.001-07:00

You could be mine... <3 :)

2010-08-29T17:02:00.001-07:00

Would you choose water over wine, or take the wheel and drive?

2010-08-28T15:21:00.001-07:00

I know I don't know you, but I want you soo bad... Everyone has a secret, but can they keep it? Oh no they can't...

2010-08-27T14:25:00.001-07:00

Feeling like hammered shit at this very moment. Long day at work. Would kill for a chiropractor...

2010-08-22T10:01:00.001-07:00

What I wouldn't give to know where the fuck is the manual for assembling the weight machine...

2010-08-21T16:05:00.001-07:00

Curioser and curioser

2010-08-17T12:07:00.001-07:00

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't...

2010-08-13T14:11:00.001-07:00

and love said 'no'...

2010-08-09T19:01:00.001-07:00

You know what I'm thinking? That if this moment had a song to define it, it would have to be 1979 by the smashing pumpkins :)

2010-08-05T09:14:00.001-07:00

I just caught my first fish!!! :D:D:D

2010-08-04T19:36:00.001-07:00

And then, there was only one...

2010-08-03T09:02:00.001-07:00

Is it so much to ask for, somebody to love? Is it so much to wish for, someone to kiss? Is it so much to desire, somebody to dream of? Is it so much...

2010-08-02T19:30:00.001-07:00

Darling, I want to destroy you...

2010-07-31T11:14:00.001-07:00

Red knight, White knight marching into the fight. Eat me, shrink me, fill me to sink me...

2010-07-30T13:41:00.001-07:00

I need you, like a heart needs a beat. I need you, but that's nothing new. I need you, but it's too late. I need you, but you don't. I need you - No I don't.

2010-07-29T13:02:00.001-07:00

All of my life, where have you been? I wonder if I'll ever see you again...

What is love?

2010-01-24T08:29:00.000-08:00

Love...

Love is not logical by any means. Love is something that you feel, something that you cannot explain. Love is that feeling in your stomach you get when you think about the other person. Love is not something that you say you do, because it's not "something to do". Love is not something you wake up one day and "feel like" doing. Love is not a phrase that you just say just because the other person wants to hear it. Love is not a reaction to an action. LOVE IS NOT A CONDITIONAL. Love is not always rainbows and butterflies. Love is being there when being there matters. Love is not only to think about the other person every single waking moment, but to love the other person without thinking about the consequences....

All you need is love.

2009-06-07T11:02:00.000-07:00

I'm bored...

Entertain me

I'm not famous yet, I had a girlfriend for about 3 and a half days, I don't play any instruments, I want to start a band yet have no friends to start it.

I play Left 4 Dead obsessively. I have graduated college, but feel no "change". I'm still working at a place I have started to become desensitized to.

I'm about to be 22. I'm unhappy, but I don't let it show because they are always "counteracting" me. I have been taught to hide my feelings. I have been taught to become detached from anyone, everyone.

I'm a monster that has been sealed. End of story.

Slooowww....

2009-04-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

Slowly fading away...

Things didn't work out with Erin... After we made out, like 8 times, she tells me she thinks this "relationship" won't work out...

Silence...

Because if you knew it wouldn't work out, then why did you make me fly high?...

So this is what I sent her on Saturday - mind you, there hasn't been an answer as of today...

"I have dreamed a dream, and now that dream has gone from me...

I don't know, but this really did strike me. It probably was because I was literally dreaming of you. It probably was because I kept thinking about you. Because I put my hopes, my dreams in you. Maybe because I tried to love you and understand you, because I tried to be there for you. And I don't want to come across like a fool for love, but yes, I did fall for you... You gave me wings, but I guess I defied the sun and this is what I get.

The only thing I don't get is why you didn't let me fight for you, why you didn't let me help you heal your broken heart. I know what it's like to have a broken heart. I know what it's like, and I could have helped you... But I guess it wasn't me. And I don't blame you. I know how hard it is to open up your heart, and trust another person. But you made your choice. You chose what you felt was right for you. And that's something that I will probably never understand.

I am still hurting, I don't know why. Maybe I did fall for you that hard. Maybe those kisses, and the words you said that night were true... But in the end, I guess you were only a dream...

And no, I am not trying to tell you to take me back. I'm not trying to tell you that I'm your best option or anything. But I do hope you find the peace you are looking for. And I hope that in the end, you can look back and laugh at the gilded butterflies..."

It kind of bothers me, you know... Because, and like I stated above, even though I am not a savior, nor am I an "ointment" for a broken heart, you could have just said: "Hey, I'm hurt and everything" And I would have tried for you. But you didn't let me.

Probably it was for the best. I don't know. Right now I don't have time to be pondering about why you took that decision. So I'll just leave it alone, and move on...

2009-04-10T15:46:00.000-07:00

So...
New life, new... everything?

Update time, kids!!! Gather 'round...

1. I'm graduating on May 12 - if, and only if, I pass these two courses which are literally "raping" me
2. I'm not out of Sears yet. Enough said
3. I'm starting to talk to this girl, Erin. I tell you man, she's got me... hypnotized with everything in her...
4. I'm still driving the "Tumbler"
5. I'm growing out my hair, and it's taking a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time to do it
6. There is no number six
7. I lost weight?
8. I'm still trying to save for the 350z... Gonna be a while now, buddy... Mason is coming up, and I hear it's like, $2,000 per credit or something
9. I haven't started my band yet... YET.

So there you have it.

Hi

2008-10-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

Man, it's been a while since I wrote in here...
I'm not gonna give you updates lol
I'm still fucked at my shoulder, I'm trying to pick up classes @ Nova...
And at work, I'm... No comments on that one

I'm a little worried that with these 8-week classes... Man, not being a pervert, but they sure do stuff you in your you-know-where when it comes to these classes...

I'm growing my hair back, though I still don't know which hairstyle - if any - I'm getting... Probably my old style, the one from the pic - I still don't know what to call it lol (if you have any suggestions, please feel free to give me ideas for it)

Things with Sarah haven't been going well, in the sense that my parents took my phone from me... So we are 'incomunicado' right now, and I'm feeling bad because of that...

Well, hope my "non-update" update hasn't bored you out lol

2008-08-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

I'm on the sea so bargain with me, so I can be home once again.
to lose ways, to sing, an odd time of death, to lose and not to win.
Why must I, always have to lose with an easy life?
Why cant I, just pretend to fall asleep? No longing goes through the night.
Caroline was greater for breaking down the set, wanting to find a look.
Can't remember days, the days we posses, only the day she left.
I see her in the crucifix, my mind begins to slip.
My love had fallen right to a T.
Then I close my eyes and the tears begin to run, the nightmare has just begun.
Why must I always have to lose with an easy life?
Why cant I, just pretend to fall asleep? no longing goes through the night.

2008-07-08T20:58:00.001-07:00

You don't know jack shit
That's not true, I know him well
Haha
I'm serious
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So there.
LOL
I have actually chortled coke through my nose

2008-07-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

Aw man!!!

Jade beat me to "The Dark Knight"!!!

~~Well, besides having a band, the awesome hair...~~

Other than that, I'm doing ok...

Damn I can't believe he got to see The Dark Knight before me...

I Only Want What I Can't Have

2008-06-30T05:55:00.000-07:00

I only want what I can't have,
I only need what I don't want...

Why?

I asked not to be alone... I guess I asked in the wrong way...

Being alone is my only phobia...

Guess you don't know yourself unless you face your fears...

Rusty Does It

2008-06-29T08:48:00.000-07:00

So hey... Haven't been on for a while... I guess I've been busy...?

Updates:
1. Bianca was a total bitch
2. I haven't quit Sears
3. I passed the courses - one "A" and one "C"
4. I shaved my head - yup, one-inch buzz cut (since Jade Puget doesn't seem to do it) I beat you to it, Jade!!!!
5. I'm back with Sarah. Planning to go down to Charleston SC to see her someday somehow
6. There is no #6
7. My shoulder is good now?
8. I'm at the summer semester... Getting desperate because classes are 4 hours long - good thing this is over on the 30th...
9. I said I would start working out... I guess writing is a work-out?
10. Planning to buy a car... Damn, that 350z was a bargain... Too bad I don't drive stick, nor do I have the $5,000 dollars...

Guess that's it for my boring ass life...

p.s.: Since my birthday is on July 22th - gonna be 21... Me so excited. Yay. -, and since "The Dark Knight" is coming up on the 18th, guess what's gonna be my birthday present...

2008-01-16T18:06:00.000-08:00

Blah...

I'm tired. And in pain. And confused. And annoyed. And... and....

I should stop bitching, and start a revolution... That's what I'll do...

Oh, and btw, I met a girl today... Name was Bianca, and she's half lebanese... Makes me wonder...

Hmmm...

Think if me and her get together, we'd make a "full" lebanese? lol

I'm a... quarter? lebanese by my dad's side of the family... And even though I was born in El Salvador, my grandparents from both sides are european...

Well, enough with the genealogy lessons...

Contrary to popular belief, I DID NOT MESS UP MY SHOULDER MASTURBATING...

2008-01-14T14:47:00.000-08:00

Soo yeah... went to the doctor on wednesday, said I should rest my shoulder - the left, if you're wondering -, because it's kinda "overworked"...

Oh, and I started classes today... hope I do good...

Feeling Like Hammered Shit...

2008-01-08T17:22:00.000-08:00

Fucking Work lol

So, yesterday, I couldn't get any sleep at all... Damn job, stresses me way too much...

But, you know what? I think I might be applying to work at Macy's or something... a little slower, responsibility-free...

Honestly, I wish there was no working to pay for everything... But, since that is the best curse that has been put on mankind ever...